I Never Want Summer to End.

Kind of a pessimistic title, considering that summer has just begun, but my mommy heart already feels it swirling down the drain along with the gritty beach sand and grime from bare feet! We are anticipating some great holidays with a cross Canada drive to visit family, stopping and experiencing our great, diverse, and vast country along the way. (we are actually just going to Ontario, so we are just going mid way, though that alone will take a week) We hope to have lots of family time, lots of laughs, meet family on my husband's side that the kids don't know, etc. It all took a bittersweet turn when my almost 13 year old daughter decided to move in with her dad for the next school year. It was one of those moments where, as a mom, it was like being told that someone was going to remove one of my vital organs for 10 months. I can't say that that feeling has gone away, but I have tucked it inside and go there sometimes, but not often. When I do, it is usually a time filled with calling on God's promises or it is a time when I can just crumble in front of my hubby late at night and just blurt it all out. I understand that the situation is not about me- I understand my daughter wanting time with a dad she hasn't lived with in 10 years, I understand it is normal. I have spoken my piece to her about my concerns, and now I am praying for wisdom in how to support her, how to pick up the pieces if it all goes south, and how function if she decides she doesn't want to come home again. I have guilt over things I wish I could have done better for her- I should have been more fun, I should have been more relaxed, I should have bought a trampoline, I shouldn't have been as strict, etc. I guess every parent feels that way to some extent though. Though I have a lot of concerns about sending my beautiful daughter so far away (12 hours of straight driving on roads that experience bad winter conditions, so we will probably see her at Thanksgiving, Christmas, Spring Break- it is too far to do weekend trips and she can't miss much school now that she is in high school)- what about her classes, what is the school like, what is my ex's church like, what is the youth group like- do they teach the WORD? Will this mess up her brothers? Will my ex notice if she is hanging out with a bad crowd, will he let her wear too much make up, will he allow dating, will he make sure she dresses modestly, etc, etc, etc? Will he pray with her at night, do they read the Bible as a family, will he pay her attention, will he put her in piano lessons, etc, etc, etc? Though I usually don't outwardly show anxiety, I do suffer from it's grip many a time. I am reminding myself of how God had to give his only, precious son over to a world that hated him, scorned him, beat him, so He understands and can be my Comforter, even in this. I have had many friends suggest that she may be home before I know it, once the fun wears off, but having a mother's heart means that I don't want it to bomb for her- I don't want her to be crushed and disappointed in her dad. I hope and pray that he steps up to the plate and gives her something on a deeper plain, rather than just being "fun guy". This could turn out to be a really positive experience for her. So far, he has been really positive and welcoming to her, and for that I am thankful. If you could join me in praying for a month of good memories before we drop her off in August, and for wisdom (and dignity) for me in handling this situation. I know there are parents that have children in heaven that would like to be in my shoes, in a way, and I get that, but it is still hard...one of those learn as you go, by the seat of your pants, life experiences, that hopefully she and I will look back on one day and thank the Lord for. I am so glad that though life seems to change by the minute, that He is unchanging-Amen!