This Post May Contain TMI, but This Has Had Me Laughing for DAYS.

******Remember, you were warned******

So, some of you may remember that we have a large, needy, high maintenance dog name Wilson, who likes to be near us, and when he is not, he will eat things like a tupperware container of African instruments I borrowed from a local center, the house, goalie equipment, bike helmets, lawn chairs, etc... Now that he is a year and a half, he is getting better, but you might want to think twice before you bring an adorable little rolly polly lab/shepherd mutt cross doggie home one sunny July morning...cause over the next many months you may be asking God for forgiveness for wishing that the four legged piranha would finally succumb to one of the many EXPENSIVE things he decided to devour. During his lifetime, he has consumed stained cedar siding (yes, that would be the kind that my husband felled on our property, milled, sanded, primed, painted and painstakingly nailed to the side of our house), a bottle of our senior dog's arthritis meds (according to the vet, that was enough to kill him), many, many plastic items, (which we are always told are full of toxins), Styrofoam, tennis balls, and a bunch of chicken bones. Nothing phases this dog. I don't think he has eaten a large amount of chocolate yet, but I bet he could live through that too.

In his defense, he is very lovable, and the kids can bounce on him, play with his ears, check out his teeth, and the dog does nothing. He is fabulous with the kids, which is #1 on my list. He is also very lovable, AND is eating less and can now be generally trusted to hang out in the family room/boot room without consuming the household garbage. The last time we went away (November), my brother didn't know to put Wilson in his kennel when my brother went out, so Wilson eat almost everything in our garage. It was a DISASTER. Well, we were gone overnight this weekend, with my bro in charge again. We went over everything, and I supplied extra treats and even some nice beef bones from a cow my dad had done up. My sibling did everything right- let the dogs out at night, and then brought them back in, settling our old dog by the wood stove and Wilson in his kennel, with a nice big bone to gnaw on. Little did we know that a few of those bones would upset his canine tummy...the next morning, my brother was met with an horrendous mess- Wilson had lost control from both ends...everywhere in the kennel, and all over himself...poor dog.

We of course, were oblivious to this as we cheered on our hockey player son, a ferry ride away...when we walked into our home later that evening, we all went "EWWWWWWW" at the lingering smell. My brother came in an hour later and I started to apologize profusely for what must have been a horrible mess. He wondered how I knew and I just stared at him for a minute, saying," Umm, we could smell it???" He started to laugh and tell me the story, insisting that it was actually pretty funny, while I stood there with my head in my hands. He explained that when he saw the mess, he grabbed a shovel and started to clean up, but ended up losing the contents of his stomach on top of everything else. He then staggered out of the garage and dry heaved in the drive way for a while before he returned to the house, grabbed a bottle of cleaner, covered his mouth and nose, and ran through the garage numerous times, spraying cleaner madly around him. After several run throughs, he was able to only smell the cleaner over the other foulness and to clean up the mess. As any good sister would do, by the time he was at this part of the story, I was on my hands and knees, banging my palms against the kitchen floor, laughing so hard I was crying. I think my knees started to buckle at the part where he lost his breakfast. That night and for the last 2 days, I have been breaking out in spontaneous, uncontrollable laughter every time I think about it.


The point of the story:

We will never be able to go away overnight again as long as this dog still breathes.