What's Your Story?

God has me just tickled right now. Okay, that is not really the right word, but I am thanking Him for noticing little ol' me down here by the sea and for His provision and mercy on my blundering ways. I have been so convicted (again) after watching this video, (if you haven't seen it, please take a few minutes). I have been mulling and praying over the part where he asks how much you have to hate somebody to believe that eternal life is possible and not tell them. gulp. ok. got that. right here between the eyes. Oh, I don't hate anyone, I could argue- well maybe not, but maybe it is just that I love MYSELF more. I don't want to make others uncomfortable, I don't want to look and sound like an idiot to people, I don't want people to feel sorry for me, or to avoid me. ME, ME, ME, ME. So, I have been talking to God about this, basically asking for forgiveness for those missed opportunities. I know that living out my faith is a witness in itself, but I need to open my lips and give a reason for it. Last week, during a busy time, 2 young Jehovah Witness boys came to my door- probably in their late teens. I groaned inwardly, and got a little anxious when I saw them. They held up their literature and asked if I ever wondered about the end times. Their obvious newness at this gave me confidence (get that -"ME" again), and I knew it wouldn't be that hard to get them out of my doorway. Right away I confidently stated that I was a Christian and don't take their literature as I believe the Bible to be the Word of God and I will only place their magazine in my recycling bucket if I take it. I was very nice and pleasant, and they murmered "ok", and "thank you", while I gave them a cheery goodbye, closed the door, walked away and was hit with a gutload of regret about not taking the opportunity to share with them. I kept thinking that if I had just followed God's leading, I could have at least planted a seed of doubt in their minds. I could have invited them back if they had any questions about what I said....I went over it quite a few times, and almost cried when I told my hubby about it later. I apologized to the Lord and told him that if he would send those boys back, I would be more bold.

Well, then a few days later, I watched this video, and have been doing some soul searching on just what holds me back: me, me, me, me was the basic answer that I saw through my reading of scripture. I need to be sharing more out of love for God and others. I was not pondering over new things really, I know that I don't need to be a great debater, that I should just share what Jesus means to me. This time, with some fear and trepidation, I gave that over to God, and asked him to please use me.

So.... ha, ha:
Today, I raced in thegarage to get a goalie mask for one of my sons so that I could take some shots on him in the backyard. I heard a knock on the door, thought it was my friend dropping off a coat, and zipped into the house to answer the door. YIKES- not my friend Gail, but two JW's. Not just any JW, but one of them was a very established one that used to always come until I finally sicked my husband on them and told him to get rid of them or I was going to go ballistic. (ok, bit extreme, but they always came while I was homeschooling my 2 oldest, had a 2 year old and a baby, you got me?) My hubby happened to be working on the back deck when they last knocked and I flew out with wild eyes, exclaiming the above. He went into rescue mode instead of witness and kindly told them not to come back, and to please stop visiting his wife when she was teaching. We talked about it afterwards and had some regrets. Anyways, so a BIG GUN was back- she is very nice, but likes a discussion. So, immediately, I wonder if I can dive back around the corner without being spotted through our window- no such luck. I opened the door, slightly panicking in my mind yet again, all the way through our greetings and niceties. Then a book comes out and she asks me what questions I have about end times, while I am inwardly praying for the right words. We started on the :"actually, I don't like to take your literature, because we differ on who Jesus is. I won't read it, as that so, so important to my faith." Of course, she knows this and starts a discussion on that, which we have had before- she presents that they believe that Jesus is the son of God. And right about there, I experienced peace...peace..peace. I quoted John 1:1, but then I did something I hadn't done with JW's before: I didn't debate, I just shared: "Here's the truth. When you come to my door, I pray for you, because I want you to know MY Jesus. I have a intimate relationship with Him. He died for me so that I can go to heaven. I don't have to work for it, I don't have to earn it. He is with me every minute of every day and helps me and guides me. Salvation is a free gift,and I don't have to wonder, I KNOW that I am going to heaven one day." I said something close to that anyways. They nodded and thanked me for my sincerity and said that they respected that I would speak up and say that as they know how hard it is to do that. I told them that they put many people to shame with their willingness to evangelize, and I need to get out of my comfort zone and do the same, to which I laughingly added that I didn't think I was actually going to go door to door. We had a chance for me to empathize how hard it was to actually do that. Before we said goodbye, the more mature woman shared that she had lost her husband in November, and I said how sorry I was. Now I have something specific to pray for her about, besides her salvation- isn't that great?

So... some of you might be saying "big deal". I know, it doesn't seem like much, but I am pretty pleased that God sent them back to my place. Not because I am going to do something profound and amazing, but to give me a chance to and share instead of sweeping them off my doorstep. I DO want them to know MY Jesus, to have assurance of salvation. I told her that if she would take my Bible next time, and read it, I would take her magazine. She didn't seem to keen on that, but hey, who knows? My point in writing this is not to toot my own horn, because the peace and calm I experienced was not mine- it was an answer to my anxious prayer. What was different about this time, was that I had surrendered my reluctance in witnessing in the past few days. It's a scary thing to do. I thought it was pretty cool that that particular lady came back, as she has not since the day that Josh spoke to her. He didn't send me a mad atheist that wanted to argue all day. Jehovah Witnesses can be hard to witness to, but at least they are aware of the spiritual realm, so I thank God for being gentle with me as I am growing. I have a few friends where I don't picture it being a smooth discussion, so I am praying that God would prepare their hearts if I am the one He wants to talk to them. I guess that what I am trying to get at in my round about way is that once you give "it" to God, He doesn't leave you alone, you are in His hand. It is ok to be scared, anxious, to not have the answers- just kindly share how He has changed your life, people will remember your transparency. You know that story better than anyone else.

ok, that was long, but I think I am done now. As my army grampa would say:

"Jane , out!"