I am feeling a bit hurt for my daughter. She is at times a larger than life personality, funny, quirky, dramatic, and even a little immature in some situations (ie- loud when with friends) She has "presence" and always has. She looks older than she is, and carries herself that way too. Since she has been homeschooling, she gets less phone calls from her neighbourhood friends, and does not have a special best friend. She is very close to her cousin, mind you, but I am thinking of those who live nearby and are not family. My daughter has been phoning a girl down the street to play and always getting a negative answer lately. I had been wondering if there was something going on and that was confirmed tonight when one of my friends confided that the neighbour girl had told her daughter that she would not attend her bd party if she invited my daughter. (did that make sense?). I think that it was just a matter of being clicky, but it ticked me off. (more than being ticked off, I think that I was sad for my daughter.)
I think that homeschooling has set her apart a bit and she is missing out on some friendships. On the other hand, she is also not in those clicky school situations, which is good. But when I see a group of her old school friends walking by with slushies in their hands and they don't call or stop by for her, I feel disheartened. My daughter notices and asks why. I am running out of answers. I pray about it and need to do it more. I would like her to have a special friend in the neighbourhood that she really clicks with, and that wants to spend time with her as well. Maybe that is my "stuff", maybe she doesn't need that. She has a lovely playmate in my niece. Maybe I am being neurotic- I had little best friends when i was younger, but maybe some girls didn't? Any suggestions?
7 comments:
It breaks my heart, too. My kids don't fit in either. Not even at church.
Point out to her that we are called to be unique. Set apart. For HIM and His glory. Tell her what "being in the world but not of it means".
And all the while I'm teaching that - I'm praying that God will bring Godly friends into her life. Because friends are important.
I've also tried to explain to Mini-Me that while the world leaves us - God Never does. He never leaves or forsakes us.
It is a bit hard to see that my kids are truly set apart. It seems like they're missing so much - but God's got His hand on them. I'm just trusting Him to make it all work out because I just don't have all the answers. And sometimes = that's the only answer I have.
Give her a great big hug for me. From one set apart person to another.
My friend is going through this with her dd too.
She talks about it openly with her dd. It think this is a good approach. Her dd knows she is being excluded and does not have many friends so for my friend to pretend it is not happening would not help her dd.
One thing they have done is start praying together for friends for the dd.
Then mom keeps her eye open for situations where dd might meet someone.
Her dd is painfully shy but is doing better about going up and introducing herself to new people in church or wherever. It is also encouraging her to sympathise with the "new girl" in a situation who does not know anyone and go up and meet her.
I'm sorry you're having this issue. Sometimes HSing really does hinder our kids social lives, but I'm convinced it also helps them to have us beside them, helping them cope, than leaving them to deal with it on their own 8 hours a day.
I'll be praying God sends your DD that special friend.
We had that in the homeschool group once where everybody but my son was invited to a birthday party - but he didn't know about it - it was just me hurt for him. So make sure not to project any of your feelings on her - is she feeling that way too? Does she see them and get hurt?
Maybe you could do an activity at your house - a party, a craft day of some sort, a cookie bake - something like that. Invite and allow those who want to come to come. Let her host a tea. Do some of those things - invite everyone without preconceived notions and see what develops.
I know it is hard - and homeschooling does set our kids apart. My kids have gone through lonely times - and tended to find that their siblings are their best friends.
I totally get what you're dealing with here. At this age the saying "out of sight out of mind" really applies.
I've definitely found that the boys old school friends aren't interested. Not because they no longer have anything in common but because my boys aren't on their radar anymore. For a while Billy tried to keep up with some of his school friends but after getting negative responses he finally gave up. It definitely made me sad for him. The kid he was trying was a busy kid - soccer player, scouts, homework etc.
One thing that has made it harder for us is that neither of my boys wants to join baseball or soccer. Most of their friends are on the teams so my boys could benefit from being there, but they just aren't interested.
I am going to the hs picnic on Friday and am going to step out of my comfort zone and not sit with you guys the whole time. I'm actually going to seek out other moms with boys and strike up a conversation. A novel idea, I know.
(((hugs))))
we do hurt for our kids don't we...
because of my mother i didn't have alot of friends coming over and i was rarely allowed to go visit someone else. my best friend did not go to the same school as me and so when i was allowed to do something, i would skip the kids at school and choose her because it was so rare and i hardly ever got to see her (we wrote letters and saw each other at church)
i think my point there was i didn't have many friends at school..
but.. i did have my siblings and my best friend.. who by the way is jojo and we have been friends for 30+ years.. my siblings and i are tremendously close..
and the few kids from school i did hang out with?.. i never see or hear from...
as for ideas... comfydenim wrapped it up didn't she... that stinker.. she took my words..
Oh, I have no great words of wisdom for you. We are in the EXACT same predicament. One of the reasons my oldest wants to continue school is for that very reason. She wants the friend to tell secrets to. A friend for sleepovers, and ice cream, and all the little things that go along with being a best friend. I understand that need, and I think it is OK to want those things.
However, if those same friends choose a bad road, you'll be glad she was set apart... Like i said, no wisdom here, but I am getting a lot out of the comments!
Well, Julia goes to public school. She does not have lots of friends either-because if i don't know the family I don't allow contact outside of school. In our neighborhood there are not many her age and the one that does live here from her school has major attitude.
She does have one friend at church--but she is older. Julia also has a dramatic side for me--I was not like her growing up. But I did have a close friend that i hung out with when i was growing up.
We are to be set apart--but friends are great for our children to have.
I understand that you want to fix it. If the young girl your daughter was having problems with was a Christian I would wonder about the family.
When I got rejected a few years ago by women at our last church--I would not lower my Christian standers and join in- God let me know that rejection is sometimes Gods protection.
Keep praying God brings your kids Christian friends----He will provide.
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