Taking out the Trash.

My brother preached today. He has now preached at our church enough that I was able to really listen instead of studying his body language and comparing him to our late grandfather. This time I no longer had the urge to put up my hand and tattle about our childhood- how he once made me hold a big fat live worm for 10 minutes, promising he would take me fishing if I did it... and then left me behind, or how he took apart my Holly Hobbie sewing machine without my permission... and never put it back together. (He is to blame for my sewing incompetency!)

So being able to actually hear the message was a blessing, as it touched my heart. Now that I am trying to share it here, I don't know that it will have the same clarity that it did for me this morning, but I will try to share about it anyways.

Our church teaches through books of the Bible, chapter to chapter, verse to verse. I love that. Sometimes things are brought out that I never saw before, as we look at the Word IN CONTEXT. Today, my bro preached on Philippians 3. (say amen if you love Philippians!) When he took apart the next few verses, 8-11, I was really struck by my disobedience:


"What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead."

I had just read through that book on my own a couple of weeks ago, but what really stood out to me today was when my brother talked about REALLY knowing Christ as my Lord. If I proclaim that Jesus is MY Lord, am I walking in obedience with Him? Am I acknowledging what He sacrificed and how His grace has covered me? Do I really grasp my position in Christ? The truth is that there is still that little girl's mind set at times that is prepared to be rejected, that is prepared to think badly of herself, that is already set herself up for failure, for rejection. Sometimes I can pretend it is humility, even believe it, but in reality, it is a self focused unwillingness to be obedient and to be made into a new creation. Is any of this making sense? It is pride that keeps me stuck sometimes and doesn't not allow me to stand confident in my position in Christ, - He has already taken care of all of this for me, but somehow I still think that maybe I am outside of that promise. SO, today I asked God to help me catch that destructive thinking, to stand firm in the knowledge that He loves me with an everlasting love, and will never leave me nor forsake me. Seriously, how am I going to fully serve Him and share in His sufferings if other's opinions matter too much or if I need too much approval from others? For pete's sake, the CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE loved me enough to die for me, what more do I need???? Since He is My Lord, I can let go of the past, get over myself, get on with serving Him, and, be content in the knowledge that my true identity and worth is found in Him.