I got an awesome breakfast in bed yesterday morning, made by the oldest two. It was a great meal, not something you'd think a 10 and 7 year old had made. They brought me a tray with tea, a granola/yogurt parfait ( complete with raspberries and some green thing for garnish), and oven baked apple pancake. Then all 4 climbed into bed with me and helped me eat it. After that, A and K took the little ones down and gave them cereal so that I could read my Bible, though it was a bit hard as they cranked "I Like to Move It, Move It" from the Madagascar soundtrack... The best part was that I didn't hear them fighting as they made me breaky and they cleaned up after themselves! I have had to force down some pretty interesting breakfasts and then face a disaster area in the kitchen, so I earned this year's delightful meal!
ok- here is where the violins come in. Get ready for sappy, "yes, I am having my period but that is NOT making me more sensitive or emotional" sob story: My husband has been working 7 days a week, out fishing on the ocean. He gets up about 5:30 a.m., and is home by about 5 pm. Last night he let me know that he did not have time to get me anything for Mother's Day. I was disappointed as this seems to be a common occurence as this fishery occurs at the same time every year. I know I should be content with a faithful, hardworking husband, but this little voice in the back of my head says " He could always arrange something ahead of time" or " He could at least suggest ordering something in" or " I am tired lots too, but still put more effort into special days". I don't know. I tried to talk to him about it, but he felt like I was finding fault with him. I guess I was in a way, but being a mom is mostly what I am and having him make a bit of a fuss over me today would have sent me over the moon!!! I am just spitting this all out here and not too worried about being witty and making sense, so bear with me. He did make a point of wishing me a Happy Mother's Day before he left when he kissed me good bye this morning, but I guess I let my expectations get the best of me again. I should just refer back to this post and shut up. I am very blessed and there was no point trying to talk about it while his eyes were crossing from being too tired. That and one of the kids had just informed him that the toilet had backed up for the third time this week. (No kidding- I could write a whole post about our toilet adventures. )
Actually, he had already taken this toilet off, fixed it, only to have to plunge out the downstairs one two days later. NOW, he had been informed that the first toilet was plugged again. I have NO idea what is happening! It was a popsicle stick down #1 toilet the first time. Anyway, enough of this subject!) So, as you can see, not a good time to trying to express my perspective to hubby. Well, I love the man a lot, but still would have liked to have been recognized in MY love language I guess. He is handsome, talented, works hard, loves me and the kids, so..., I guess I can over look this about him! LOOK AT THE BIG PICTURE, is what I am telling myself. My first marriage was not great ( that is the short version), and I should never forget how our wonderful life is now compared to how that relationship functioned!
I am just trying to keep it real here. No huge dilemma or problems, but can anyone relate to my musings here? Anyone have any differences in their reality vs fantasy today? Just make something up to relate to me so I feel better and am not the only selfish psycho rambling about her Mother's Day. I am already feeling better as I am now chuckling as I write this... Oh, why am I such an emotional female nutcase? I guess I am Happy Sock again. (If you did not link up to the above mentioned post, that will not make any sense.)
10 comments:
Oh my goodness, I can SOOOOO relate, LOL. My hubby did get a card from the kiddos, but not one from him. And, the only reason he got a card is because while I was picking one out for all my sisters, friends, etc, he picked one out with my little daughter.
I amused myself with the thought that in the future, my oldest daughter will take over holidays and it will get better. (She's only six right now.)
I'm like you, my husband is so wonderful and a hard worker, but he just doesn't get it when it comes to holidays!
Aw - many can relate.
Let me explain this - my first child was born on April 5th - my first Mother's Day was about 6 weeks later. I waited all day long and nothing happened - the next morning I burst into tears and told my husband that he forgot Mother's Day - to which he replied "You're not my mother!" It took a while to help him understand why this was flawed thinking.
Anyway, long story short - it has taken almost 20 years to realize that my husband is not a good gift-giver. I honestly don't want another cake candle (something he realized I liked and then bought for every occasion for a few years until I said "uncle"). He has been miserable around every holiday because there is this expectation to meet that he will fail at. I got to thinking about it last year and wondered where this "expectation" came from. The man tells me in other ways that he appreciates me - and honestly how special is it when these things are done out of obligation on the same day that every other husband does. My hubby tells me what a good mom I am at other times - I don't need anyone else dictating a special day for him to do so.
Ya know - I am going to blog about this - can you read the rest of my response at my blog????? This could become the world's longest comment.
*LOL* I think all moms can relate to feeling like "psycho selfish mom" now and again. Or at least I can.
Yesterday I thought that I'd gotten sabotaged. But I had to force myself to think happy, positive thoughts. Some days, it's not easy, is it?
Mother's day is never a huge thing around here. There are so many things to celebrate for us...and my birthday is coming up..so we've never made a big deal about mother's day. Though, there's that nagging thought that I make a bigger deal out of father's day than he does about mother's day. *LOL* But that would just start the snowball rolling all over again.
Hi there! Just found you; I'll have to come back and read more. I have definitely felt the same way. Usually when I get in a marriage funk, though, something else is going on... I'm not spending time with the Lord; I'm looking to my husband to fill needs he wasn't made to fill, etc. Then a few days later, when I step back (or see one of my three young friends who was widowed suddenly and unexpectedly), it doesn't seem so terrible anymore. But marriage is HARD! And satan is fierce. But you are right, a faithful, healthy husband is what many, many people dream for, long for, pray for.
I love that you are being so honest. Just another reason why I keep coming back to your blog.
My Mother's Days (and most holidays) are always a bomb too! I think a lot of hubbies just don't get how encompassing this mothering thing is and how we need a little attention for it every once in a while.
But it sounds like you are on the right track in your thought life. I'd trade the attention for a good man anyday....but I'd sure like both! :)
Gayle
I am totally relating. My husband doesn't do much (or anything) for Mother's Day. My kids didn't even realize it was mother's day until I told them. Then we went to my mom and dad's for a bbq where my sister's received amazing gifts (like a new digital camera!!) from my brothers.
It's taken me a few years to realize that is just the way it is. I have to admit though that I still get kind of upset and hurt, but I suppose I should be focusing on the bigger picture like you said.
And I really did love the sticky kisses and homemade cards the kids made in Sunday School. :-)
Can I speak as one who lived this story for about 13 years before things started to change?
I have so been there. I feel your hurt, aggravation and despair.
Want a recommendation?
Plant seeds. And when you get tired of planting seeds--plant some more. Hope you don't think I am getting too spiritual. God promises that when we plant seeds in His name they will not come back void--they will bring forth a harvest. At first my harvest did not come from my husband. It came from a girl friend who had been through the same lack of gift time. She would make sure that on every birthday--they would often go without gifts- and Christmas and anniversary and mother's day--I had something to open. She was a gift from God. My husband saw her actions and my reactions and started asking her for suggestions of things to get me. Cool? YES.
Then one day he started doing things on his own. Coming up with ways to surprise me. And I had to make sure that I made as big a deal about his things as I did hers.
I started taking more effort in getting his gifts. Listening to what he said during the year about what he liked and would like to have.
Just like marriage takes times and work so does this area of marriage. But--i am living proof that it can change.
Another idea for those husbands who say they don't know what to get. Start a gift idea jar. On little peices of paper write down the things you would like and put them in the jar. Don't forget to put things like "a night out with my husband" or "a weekend away with my man". You might put small pictures from magazines so he can see what things look like. Maybe even ask for a morning free to go have a pedicure. Be creative. Then at a time when it is quiet tell him about the jar. Tell him you understand that you might be hard to buy for so you started the jar to help him out. Maybe suggest that he start one to to help you out.
Just some ideas.
And remember they are not mind readers. If Mother's day always falls during busy time--maybe ya'll could have mother's day at another time of the year. It could be a family tradition.
All this is to say --I understand.
Keep the faith!
Sorry for the long post.
OH THANK GOODNESS that someone has been honest about this whole thing!!! I have to say I was SOOO disapointed in my husband yesterday and I too go through these periods of "psycho selfishness" (I liked that comfydenim!!!) I always get my hopes up every holiday that my husband is FIANLLY going to get it, but it doesn't seem to be happening!!! I'm just SOOO glad to know I'm not the only one going through this!! AHHHH!!!
it seems like everyone else has taken the good comments.. :o)
but i do love that you are honest and all married women are right there with you.
and glad you're ms. happy sock again.. :o)~
i love the cereal face!!
My hubby totally doesn't get it either. I thought he did when he told me on Saturday that he had a GREAT Mother's day gift for me. We were going to my sister's house that evening (the day before mother's day) and he wanted to give me the gift in front of everyone. I got the feeling that he wanted everyone to know what a great husband he is. So anyway, he gave me the gift in front of everyone - which was kind of awkward because nobody else was opening gifts... and he got me an MP3 player. It was great because that was something that I had told him that I wanted. (I don't hint anymore - that doesn't work) But I really had to impression that he was doing it more for "show".
Not such a terrible story so far... well, on mother's day I took the boys to church and dh stayed at home with daughter (who is too ill to go to church and I usually stay at home with her). That evening the in-laws came over and it was a very stressful visit... but to make matters worse, hubby was very rude to me several times during the afternoon and evening. Finally that night after the in-laws left I fell apart and just cried. He had said some hurtful things and he just didn't understand why I was upset. I'm sure that what some of you ladies have been through in your marriages is far worse, but on MY day... it was horrible. Being a mother is the most important thing to me. Mother's day is more important to me than my birthday. I have 4 children, one of which has been ill her whole life. I have been through more with this child than most people go through in a life-time (5 heart surgeries, strokes, lung bleeds, blindness, paralysis, therapy, etc, etc, etc) and my hubby diminishes it by treating me badly on the day he should honor me for caring for his daughter who is terminally ill. I'm still frustrated about it but he has apologized....... but he has been quite irritable today too. And life goes on.
Post a Comment